Why We Need to get Together with Old Friends More Often

If you’ve ever had a really good friend (and if you have you are blessed) then you know what I’m talking about. True friendship is unique, and enduring.

The passage of time may relocate us, change us, distract us, and even make us lose track of one another (at least in the daily life kind of way.) But there is no denying the special bond between close friends. In a mere moment back together it is like no time has passed.

And at the risk of being cliché, I’ve just gotta say-

There is no friend like an old friend.

Last week I received a text from my friend Melissa in Oregon. She let me know that she and her husband Chuck had a last-minute opportunity to fly to Maui, and wondered if I could connect. I suggested they take a couple of days to hop over and visit us on Oahu. Ten minutes later the plans were made: They would spend two nights with us before beginning their time on Maui.

Reality hit me then, so I followed all of that with another text, warning her that my days are a little crazy. With Dave working every day, I’d have to be running kids around, homeschooling, and all the regular mom-stuff. To which she said, “Good! I just want to do life with you.”

And I knew she meant it.

So that’s exactly what her visit looked like: Doing my life with me. Her first morning here, she joined me for a women’s ministry meeting. Then she rode up and down the hill with me while I dropped off Luke to surf, then picked him up again…drove Jonah to cross-country (then soccer) and met Dave after work so Levi could catch a few little waves. On Saturday morning at 7:15 when I was ready to slip out the door to take Levi to his soccer game, there she was, up and ready, loading chairs into my car.

Melissa’s well-natured husband Chuck was just as easy to have around. He sat on the deck reading a book while she and I talked a mile-a-minute, and when she and I went to the soccer game — he stayed back and made pancakes for my older boys, then drove Jonah to meet his team for his cross-country race.

They were the kind of guests you invite back.

And now that their whirlwind 48-hour visit is over with, I am reminded of how wonderful, refreshing, and truly important it is to connect with old friends.

So I jotted this list of why I think we should all do it a lot more often.

1. Spending time with old friends reminds you of parts of yourself that you might have forgotten about.

Whether you met in elementary school, college, or any other season of life, an old friend will represent a season in life that is part of who you are today. Even if you have changed a lot since that time, you will be reminded of the path that it took to get you where you are. A friend might remind you of that one t-shirt you wore until it nearly fell apart. Or how good you were at four square. Or line dancing. You’ll be reminded of things you never even think about any more. Some of those memories may be good or bad or maybe bittersweet. They are all treasures.

2. Spending time with old friends allows you to skip the small talk and go deep.

There’s nothing like picking up right where you left off; that’s the beauty of connecting with an old friend. You can cover so much ground in such a short time because the foundation has been laid. {Who else, midway through a kid’s soccer game would casually say, “Ok…we still need to talk about finances. And sex.” Haha. Old friends can do that.}

3. Old friends share the best humor.

I like to think that I’m a pretty fun-loving person, but I think it’s fair to say I’ve had more carefree seasons than the present. Well, when you’re hanging out with a friend that you knew back in the more carefree days, you just can’t help but regress a little. You laugh at old jokes, and you make new jokes. You suddenly remember movie lines you haven’t brought up in fifteen years. It happens with ease because it’s in your friendship DNA. My girls’ long weekend away was full of easy laugher and, that week I spent in California last May — might have for a minute made me fourteen.

4. Spending time with old friends make you feel loved and secure.

There is a depth of connection between old friends that wraps around you like a warm blanket. You feel known, and safe. I shared with Melissa about some things that I haven’t talked about to anyone but my husband. Few words were needed, because she understands me- my heart, and how I process things. I wasn’t self-conscious about my dirty car, or my morning bedhead because we are WAY beyond that stuff. I was also reminded that I really could reach out to her (and a handful of other close friends in my life) if I ever had a serious need. And that is a really amazing feeling.

5. No one will love your kids and husband like an old friend.

Melissa knew me when I was newly married. She watched me grow up in many ways, and she also watched Dave. She was at my first baby shower and met my first-born hours after he was born. She feels connected to my entire family. I can tell her the good, bad, and just plain weird stuff about all of us without worrying that she will judge, compare, or share. I could brag about the things I’m proud of, and she’s proud with me. She loves my family because we are like family. And that is incredible.

6. Old friends refresh you.

By the time Chuck and Melissa left for Maui, I was exhausted. Sure I had kept up my normal life while they were here, but had simultaneously packed in a bit of sight-seeing, fun meals, laugher, and way more grown-up conversation than I am used to. Dave later asked me how I was feeling and I said, “Well, I’m a bit behind in laundry. Behind in writing. I have homeschooling papers to correct. But I am so completely refreshed after that visit that I’m sure I’ll now be more productive than ever.”

Enough said, right?

So to all of you — this is a call to action: Call that old friend! Shoot her a text or write an email. Then book a flight, or find a train or a bus or plan that driving trip. If travel isn’t an option: at least schedule a lengthy Skype session! But by all means: Don’t put off connecting with your old friends! You need it more than you even realize!

If you could meet up with an old friend (or two) who would it be? Where would you meet? Share in comments if you have a sweet story of connecting with an old friend, or if this inspires you to make plans to do it.

Maybe you want to send a friend a link to this post, or tag them with this post on Social media!? Thank you for spreading the Aloha…

With love and gratitude, Monica

PS Just a reminder: It’s never too late to make a new friend that will one day be “an old friend.” Always be open to new friendships because the friend you make today may be the old friend you reconnect with down the road. I have a few newer friends that already feel like old friends, and that is incredibly special too! 🙂